a poetry thursday favorite poem

the following is a poem that i wrote and shared last summer prompted by "unfinished conversations"...it is originally buried at the end of a long rambling post, so i decided to repost it on this day when we are celebrating our favorite Poetry Thursday contributions as a last community activity. and although i suppose it should feel odd to say, "this is one of my favorite poems," i want to say just that. we should love our own work, shouldn't we? yes. i am grateful for the words that help me heal each time i read them because this is the deep truth of experience. my experience.

*****

The Sunday before the Wednesday I was to see you
the conversation played
on a stage in my mind.
Knowing you would pretend to be irritated that
I had flown across the country unannounced
because you did not
want me to see you like this,
I would pull the chair next to your bed,
see your emaciated body,
and my hand would brush
away the hair around your face
like I did twenty-five years ago
right before I would smear Pond’s cold cream
across your nose, cheeks, and forehead.
I would tell you that I finally understood.

But then you died on Tuesday.

In their need for reason,
people said you chose to die
the Tuesday before the Wednesday I was to see you
because you knew I was coming and
you wouldn’t have
wanted me to see you like that.
Infuriated, I turned my back
on the words that meant nothing
to the open wound you left behind
that people saw as me, and
I sat in the darkness,
my throat choked with silence,
my fingertips filled with regret that I
did not brush your hair

away from your face

when I saw you on
the morning of the Thursday after the Wednesday I was to see you,
when I heard your voice say,
It isn’t me.

*****

i hope you will head over to Poetry Thursday to visit the Thursday post where participants shared their last PT contribution and then to today's post where participants are sharing their favorite post from their own Poetry Thursday archives.

bring on the laughter

the truth is that lately i have felt buried under a lot of things: clutter, bills, debt, guilt, email*, projects, bloglines, requests, shoulds, and how the list goes on...

i am slowly getting out from under each of these things.

it feels good.

and lighter.

though i feel like i have only just begun to shed what i need to.

at least i have begun.

and part of feeling lighter is taking time to stop working, stop solving, stop organizing, stop worrying...and just laugh.

tonight, i am bringing on the laughter by watching back to back episodes of who's the boss**. haven't seen this show in, well, probably a decade. just love it.

my wish for you is that you take a moment to bring in the laughter today...

*speaking of email, i have to say this: i am still beyond behind in my personal email. i am ashamed, yet i also have to let this go a bit. i hope to wade through some of it this weekend, but, if you have emailed me and haven't heard from me and need or want to, could you email me again? thank you from the bottom of my heart in helping me let go of this pound of guilt.

**updated to say: i have to admit that even though i wasn't laughing really, i got more out of the next show on that random station i turned to last night, when the wonder years came on. that is a damn good show. reminded me to step outside myself a bit, which is always a good thing.

the last poetry thursday

I cried last night as I wrote my last post for Poetry Thursday. I surprised myself a bit by how deeply sad I felt as I saved and published it. This project has been more important to me than I think I even realized. Part of the reason is how connected it is to my own discovery of how much I love poetry and how I believe poetry can change a person…and the world. I know it is also connected to finding light in darkness as poets (the ones I discovered on bookstore shelves and the ones I connected with in blog world) were some of the first people to say to me, "You are not alone in the deep well of grief." So, this gift is also connected to Poetry Thursday.

I realize that I don't have to return these gifts because the project is ending. It isn't as though I will suddenly stop reading poetry or stop writing it. Of course not. I am not leaving blog world, and I will continue to connect with other bloggers who love poetry. I will continue to share my own poetry, links to other poets/poems/blogs, and thoughts about poetry here. And, I imagine I will probably find myself sharing them on Thursdays the way many of us still share Self-Portrait Challenge photos on Tuesdays. I suppose I must admit that I will have more time for my own love affair with poetry as cohosting a site does take up quite a bit of time. But, to me, it is sad all the same.

To all of you who have participated in Poetry Thursday: Thank you for all you have shared and taught and the community you created. Please keep changing the world one poem at a time.

*****

A short poem note (or maybe it is indeed simply a short poem) on this last Poetry Thursday…

We stood until the drum of your heart, the water rolling down my back, and your hands cradling my head were all we were.

just feel.

the view from my bug, august 29

i am feeling sad this evening, but earlier today, i got out and enjoyed the sunshine on my drive to and from teaching yoga (i was subbing at a senior center - love teaching seniors!). the bright blue sky and some song i now don't remember playing as i sang along as i drove along the water and through a couple of neighborhoods i don't usually visit. i felt light and very happy.

although i don't feel that way tonight, i know that this is how it goes. and that is okay. no need to panic.

just feel.

the ups and the downs.

looking for peace among patterns

my sacred life, august 27

attempting to let go of some of the old patterns, the samscaras, of my life. examining them daily - this is who i am - and sometimes it is tiring. but, then there are the moments when i can step outside myself to realize i can stop examining and simply loosen the grip a bit and move on. let go. let something greater than me take over holding tightly for a while. realize that maybe holding on too tightly has created this groove that could become impossible to stop tracing. i do not have to hold it all up. i can take a breath. i can take a breath and allow peace to fill the maze of trenches the patterns (the ones i must let go) have created. i can (let peace in).

looking for a shift by rearranging and letting go of some of the physical things in my (our) space. looking for closeness and warmth and rooms that feel more like nests and less like storage spaces. letting go of the stuff that held significance once and now just collects dust. sending it on to be loved by someone else. looking for more peace in less clutter, more peace (between us).

being honest about what i need. what. i. need. being honest with myself first. being. honest. with. myself. (first)

letting go (trying to let go) of the invisible piles (of guilt).

finding peace in this new corner of my home where my favorite chair, my first big purchase just for me years ago, now resides. we were going to give it away, but simply rearranging has created the perfect space. it is my new corner to work and nap and read and curl up with a favorite plaid blanket. it is another little space in my home; my home: the place i spend most of my hours. it is another space where i can seek and find peace (within).

*****

see more self-portraits on the theme patterns here
visit more folks participating in my sacred life here

inspirations, august 27

this bill moyer's interview with jon stewart (i heart jon stewart)

fresh flowers on the kitchen table

dusting (yes, dusting)

letting go of stuff (in all forms)

the poetry thursday archives

the in my hand flickr group

the quiet truth in this post by alicia

begin (why am i waiting)

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

- Father Alfred D'Souza

clutter into order (ordered clutter?)

i was going to go on about how the house is turned up on its head as we move the clutter into chaos into order. but then, i realized this is true of where i am in all things in some ways lately. and then i knew i was too sleepy to dive into all that comes with admitting this.

take another breath.

*****

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

- Anatole France

a moment

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up.
- Pearl Buck

i took a moment at the end of a long, busy day to create a small altar in the bathroom. i took a moment to breathe and drink tea and watch the candle flicker. i took a moment to sink into the quiet. i took one brief moment just for me.

*****

the house is a bit turned on its head right now as we star in our self-created episode of an HGTV show. a day at IKEA and a big delivery tomorrow. with the help of my mom (she is visiting), we are hoping to find order in the midst of the clutter and chaos we have been living in for too long.

tonight, after the house became quiet and the work was done, i gathered some favorite stones and shells and other bits from the bookshelves we were emptying and moved them to a new home.

a cocoon

a cocoon of quiet and truth. this is what i find in moments in the shower. i soak up the quiet as i lean my forehead against the cool wall and give myself permission to open my mind to whatever i need to think about, dream about, hope for. i give myself permission to breathe as the water cascades down my body. i give myself permission to seek answers in the quiet.

when i step from the shower, some days i remember to will the cocoon to stay with me. some days i remember to hold on to what i have sought, what i have learned.

*****

carla has started a project called my sacred life; she is posting a picture a day with the idea being "to creatively connect with the holiness of everyday life." she has invited folks to join her in this idea, and i decided i would accept that invitation, knowing i might not post everyday but that i will enjoy trying as i seek the sacred in my life.

thoughts of a foggy, sleepy mind

road to sunrise at mt. rainier, 19 august 2007

I am up early. Too many thoughts whirling, whirling in my head to allow sleep in. Although my eyes are tired and my mind a bit fuzzy, it feels like a blessing to have this time as dawn begins to stretch. The rain is falling with a fierce need to water our world. It splats on the roof with drips and drops. It is my companion as I wrestle with melancholy and sleepiness and hope and hunger. It seems to lack rhythm in its ferocity. But, if you stop typing, thinking, fearing, whirling for a moment, you can hear its tempo. I can hear its tempo. For a moment I consider walking outside and standing in it. My clothing would quickly stick to me; my shirt transparent and clinging. My long hair would plaster to me; my feet would sink into mud. As reality reminds, I know I would become quite cold. Not the best idea when you need to get back to bed for a few more hours sleep to prevent illness and crabbiness and general fogging of the mind. A welcome idea all the same. A quiet, welcome idea. Maybe it is the earth mermaid in me singing her song. Yesterday, someone googled gypsy girl walking a tight rope and arrived at my blog. I love that. Of course, I hadn't yet written those words together as google does what google does and takes people places they do or do not want to find themselves. Still, I find it amusing and healing to read those words together and think about a connection to this sleepy, foggy person who is me. I imagine myself in a patchwork skirt, white peasant shirt with poofy sleeves, a charm bracelet on one arm and bangles on the other, three rings on my right hand and two on my left — silver and turquoise and amethyst, strings of pink and green and blue and yellow beads around my neck, orange and white striped over-the-knee socks and little fuchsia pink ballet shoes, standing arms outstretched, high above the world, head forward, eyes soft and determined, putting one foot in front of the other, reminding myself that there is no need to look down.

inspiration palette, august 18 (doorways to ______)

1. Orange as any orange on a tree, 2. handle - handle, 3. 2 door to freedom, 4. St Patrick's Cathedral main doors, 5. Untitled, 6. Lovely 13, 7. une porte rouge, 8. pink is the color, 9. door_1, 10. orange door, Oslo, Norway, 11. 17/AUG/2007 - Fil-Bitha - Key, Door and Green Paint, 12. Porta, 13. Doors in Kabukicho, 14. Enter, 15. Door to Οία, 16. Mission San Juan Door San Antonio, 17. There's Only One Bicycle in Shanghai, 18. La Puerta del castillo, 19. The spelunkers secret garden, 20. Stave church

inspirations, august 17

the song "fly away" by the indigo girls

cloudy skies providing afghan-wrapped mornings

the poem "a noiseless patient spider" by walt whitman

stardust (go see this movie)

practical magic (an old favorite)

the way a root beer float bubbles

remembering that it is sometimes better to breathe instead of do

touching the earth

as a young girl, i was often transfixed by globes and maps. i spent time turning the globes in my grade-school classrooms, looking at the colors of the countries, wondering what it would be like to live far away from where i lived in "the middle" of the united states. i loved the moment in a history class when the teacher would unfurl the map from its hidden location above the blackboard. when looking through atlases and spinning globes, i wondered if countries could choose their color. i enjoyed running my fingers over bumpy topographical maps and thinking about the mountains and how high they might be. i remember realizing that all the oceans were connected and often thought that there should just be one name for all the water connecting the continents. my parents bought me a globe pillow and i spent time choosing my favorite country name and dreaming of taking trips to that country when i was old enough to explore the world on my own.

now, jon and i often remark something to one another when we see a globe in a store. "look at that." "we should get one of those." "i love globes."

i think it might be time for me to finally have a globe of my own. i also think it might be time for me to start seriously planning some adventures.

balm

spending time at barnes and noble with jonny, a big pile of books, and two yummy drinks

watching pride and prejudice and giggling

watching the last hour of walk the line and smiling with delight as june finally says yes

stroking millie's forehead

packaging up a new anya tote to send across the country to a new customer

opening up some new bits for flags from speckled egg

my mother's patience as we talked today and her ideas as we brainstorm what we are going to make when she comes to visit and her encouragement to always make the things that i enjoy making instead of getting caught up in a need to "make money"

my father calling to say "how are you?" and then listening when i burst into tears

walt whitman's leaves of grass

knowing that to open one's heart is to live

knowing i will soon fall asleep with my head on my husband's chest

breathe in, breathe out

feeling a bit exhausted. reminding myself to breathe in and out.
life is good.
but wishing i was about to spend a few days at the beach.

today, i really spent some time thinking about how i am so blessed to have jon in my life. he keeps the sky from falling even when i try to convince myself the role of chicken little is to be played by me.

portland was good. i love that town. jon and i are finally finding our way around it, even if we do go in circles, or squares rather, because of all those one-way streets. had fun meeting folks at crafty wonderland and really enjoyed seeing my cousin and my brother. also got to meet susan, and i can't wait to hopefully have coffee with her the next time i am in town. i also bought a kendra binney print. i love that girl's art.

hope things are bright where you are...i would love it if you would share something wonderful that has happened in your world lately.

oh and i am slowly uploading some new totes and flags to my little shop this week, and i hope you will stop by and take a peek.

portland bound and inspiration palette, august 11

if you are in the portland area, i hope you will come to crafty wonderland tomorrow! there will be about 40 artists + crafters there and you are certain to find something you look at and think "this was made for me." (or "this is perfect for [insert name here]" of course.) along with the vendors, there will be a DIY table where you can learn something new and help raise money for race for the cure.

the details:
crafty wonderland
doug fir lounge
830 e. burnside
11-4

if you do come, please be sure to stop by and say "hi." i will be the one in the apron with all the flags and bags...

*****

i wanted to share the color palette that has been catching my eye on flickr. if you haven't already spent time just typing in search words and browsing through flickr, i highly recommend it as an at-home artist date.

1. dahlia cream, 2. lace and roses, 3. Linen, 4. Work in Progress July 21, 5. Untitled, 6. kartiot, 7. puntina per fazzoletto ecrù, 8. Jar of White Vintage Buttons, 9. Latch, 10. my apron-style dress, 11. lace bookmark, 12. Elegant Victorian Inspired Antique Lace Choker with Rhinestone Trim and Brooch, 13. GSW_2x3Neg_Book2_086m, 14. Wedding gift, 15. spool, 16. Lace handkerchief, 17. cotton bois, 18. closed, 19. old lace, 20. P1010139


*****

one more note: if you have emailed me in the last two (okay, really three...maybe even four) weeks and haven't heard from me...well...i am sorry about that. i am buried in my emails and other things (not to mention the part that my sewing machine broke this week amidst some other personal stuff). i hope to get back to you next week (and yes, this means you kim, and kim, and leonie, and lindsey, and lisa, and how the list goes on...). thank you for your patience with me and your friendships...

seeing

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
— Anaïs Nin

an artful blogging party

Artsy Mama is hosting a virtual party in honor of the current issue of Artful Blogging and to celebrate artful bloggers. She invited people to share an artsy blog post and maybe a tutorial as a way to participate in the party. There are already some incredible links to posts over on her site.

When I first started blogging, I did not realize how the medium itself and the inspiration I found from others would invite me to dive deeper into a more creative path. Within a few months of beginning my blog, I went from someone who knew which show she watched each hour on the hour during primetime television to someone who spent a lot of free time sewing, sketching, writing, taking pictures, and filling up idea journals.

Being an artful blogger gives me the chance to share what I learn on my journey; my blog is a place to record my observations, my joys, my sorrows, my growth, my not-so-great moments, my truth …It has become a place where I can just sit down comfortably in my favorite pajamas, take a breath, and be me.

So….Welcome to my little corner of the world!

Oh! I am so glad that you are also wearing your pajamas. Meet Millie, just beware, she will try to get in all your photos. Also meet Betty; she is currently wearing a work-in-progress apron. Please, make yourself at home and have a cup of tea. There are pumpkin muffins and chocolate chip cookies. Just help yourself. Please, pretend you don't see...the mess. (Whispering: You see, I am getting ready for my first time at crafty wonderland this weekend and my studio has found a way to move parts of itself to the kitchen table, back porch, and…well, everywhere really. Oh please, just move that over, yes, you can sit right there.)

The music line-up is, of course, The Weepies followed by some Paul Simon, then a little Indigo Girls and some other favorites. When you hear the first few bars of Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" get ready because we are all going to stand up and dance, dance, dance. Yes, that means you over there too.

*****

Kari invited all the party-goers to share a tutorial. I am going to share a little meditative "get those creative juices flowing" exercise that you can take home and use whenever you need it:

A Walk with the Senses

Block out a certain amount of time just for yourself, from 10 to 45 minutes (or longer if you like). You are going to spend this time outside. You could simply take a walk near your home, spend time in a neighborhood park, walk downtown, along the water, in the woods…anywhere.

You aren't going to take anything extra with you. No sketchbook or journal or camera or cell phone. Just you.

As you walk, simply notice the following:

What do you hear?
What do you smell?
What do you taste?
What do you (want to) touch?
What do you see?

Feel free to touch things and notice that as well.

If you find your mind wandering away from these things to grocery lists and what you "should" be doing and other things that pull on you, pause in your walk. Close your eyes and take a breath. And then another one. Allow yourself to just notice your inhalations and exhalations. After a few moments, begin to notice your senses again and open your eyes when you are ready.
After you have finished your walk, head back to your creative space. When you get there, spend time creating, writing, journaling about your experience. You might want to create an art journal page or a color palette of what you noticed. You could write about each sense and what the experience was like for you. You might want to write a poem. It is all up to you. Simply allow your senses walk to be a springboard into creating.

I recommend that you head back to your creative space at home so that you won't be distracted by new senses experiences while you are creating. Meaning, if you went on a walk near a lake and then decided to sit down and journal about it near the water, it becomes a different exercise. While you are writing, your senses will notice new things and so on. That is a valuable exercise as well, but this one is centered more on observation and then removing yourself from what you observed. If home might be too distracting, you could head to a café to journal/sketch about your experience. Shape this exercise to be whatever you need.

Finally, as you reflect on your observations, sit and think about what I call the sixth sense: know. (If you have visited me before, you might have seen my "senses" posts. I always include this sixth sense.) Reflect on what "you know" from this experience. You might want to journal about this.

*****

Thank you for stopping by! I can't wait to visit your corner of the world as well today…
To visit other folks participating in Kari's party, check out the ever-growing list of links at the end of her post.

connection found {self-portrait challenge}

feeling tired. a bit overwhelmed. close to weepy. i seek...i pause to notice. what is it that i need? breathing with purpose, slowly, i realize: i seek connection. i go to my altar and take a breath and open my heart to what i am seeking. my rocks. from the shores of puget sound at fort worden. i hold them tightly and remember. i am part of the water. i am tumbling and twisting on my journey. i am slicing open and breaking apart. i am shiny on the sand. i am part of the earth. i am waiting. i am open. i am found.


to see more reactions to the challenge of pattern, visit self-portrait challenge.

inspirations, august 6

this piece/post by miss leonie

debi van zyl's hand-knitted beasts

friends who aren't afraid to share ideas

nina's SPC this week

giving myself permission to begin (and continue)

nancy's wicked cool wardrobe

babette blankets (oh my goodness)

miss kelly "camp indigo soul" barton {an interview}

When I first started reading blogs, I remember noticing that this blogger Kelly left the warmest comments for people. I clicked through to her blog and found out that she lived in Indiana (where I grew up), so I, of course, began to read...I have been enjoying the authentic way she shares pieces of her world on her blog for a while now, and as she agreed to let me interview her, I am happy to be able to share some of her words with you today.

Along with being a blogger, Kelly is an artist and a graphic designer. You can find Kelly's delightful artwork at the happygirl shop (her etsy shop) and in her portfolio on her website.

*****

Please share a little about you, your creative endeavors, and so on.

i think i might be considered a vagabond of art and design. my style seems to move all over the spectrum. and i am happy with that. that is what makes me — ME.

Describe your studio/creative space or the one you hope to have one day.

my studio rocks! i love it, but don’t all artists love being in their studio. i lose myself when i am in there; hours fly by and i am happy. soft green apple walls and fun stuff from ikea. oh and i can’t forget the sweetest thing of all — artwork from all my girls. i have prints from mati and kelly rae. i have two christine mason miller and penelope dullaghan originals. yes, yes, i know i am one lucky chickadee. and in october, a special someone will be traveling all the way from oakland to grace my walls: my first kelly rae original…yippie!

What is your favorite way to spend time in your studio/creative space? What do you do when you are just creating for you?

oh…i am drooling. how can you not — when you think of what you can do in the studio. i have so many interests, books everywhere, with all kinds of grand creative ideas flowing from the pages. i am happiest when i am creating. doesn’t really matter what i am working on, when i get to lose myself for hours in the studio…i am a happy chick. i love when i am blessed with a few hours to paint, but i also work on jewelry, notecards…oh, and the sound of cutting paper, how can you not love that sound?…sweet!

If you were to create an inspiration board today, what would it be filled with?

hmmmm…..no one will be shocked by this on. my board consists of postcards that came with my prints from the girls and andrea scher….supershero. have you ever seen her necklaces — they rock! i have cotton candy, but my sweet pooch tried to eat it, so at the moment, i need to send it to her for some fixing. i think i would also include images of my flowers and other photos i have snapped of my kids and a couple of very poignant quotes. i dig quotes.

Do you have a daily practice (like yoga, sketching, reading, afternoon naps, and so on)?

what….exercise — are you kidding me. i would rather sit and eat peanut butter m&ms. i love to take a nap, especially when it is raining and you can hear it hitting the windows and roof. that sound always relaxes me. i love to read, but if i read, then i don’t get to paint, and we can’t have that.

I am intrigued by the way that where we live often comes through when we create. As I am originally from "middle" Indiana myself, I am curious if you notice this in your own work?

it has taken me a very LONG time to get to this creative point. i never even considered i would be an artist one day. it makes me sad that i didn’t take art in high school. i know it would have made things easier academically. i found out last year i have a learning disability — similar to dyslexia. [i went to be tested for ADD ]. i am not shocked by this. i knew for years that my brain didn’t function like my friends did. i had to work hard to cover that up. school wasn’t easy for me. but i know that art has to be offered in our schools. kids are lucky to get to art class once a week. i can’t say that INDIANA comes out in my work. but my colorful mind truly does. i have fought myself for years, never allowing myself to truly embrace...ME. but since i have been [letting go], my paintings truly reflect who i am . that is how i came to paint [the girls]. each one is a reflection of my mind, my subconscious. as i have grown artistically, i have allowed myself to become more confident and put myself out there more, which is not an easy task for me.




You seem to bring in a lot of joy and play into your world. For example, your etsy shop is called "the happy girl shop." Can you share a little about what this sense of playfulness means to you?

i love the word happy…i dig it, i do. but this doesn’t mean i am a happy girl all the time. i laughed as i named it that. and i did it for that reason. it is a reminder of how i want to be. a gentle nudge of sorts, for those days when i am not feeling happy. and it does reflect my style of painting.
as you can see, i am a big fan of funky color. the walls of my house are the same. not that my husband comes home everyday and says “honey, i love the green apple and asparagus kitchen walls” [side note: you will never here him call me “honey”, but if he calls me “kell”, my heart melts]. i have an orange dining room too. oh, let me clarify, not tuscan orange or peach, but pantone 021 orange, with a zebra rug and ikea black and white floral print curtains. it is one of my favorite rooms…next to the studio.

As you reflect on where you are in your journey, can you think of a feeling/issue/fear/something else you had to let go of in order to follow your dreams? If yes, can you touch on how letting go of "it" changed you?

…sure, ME. i had to let go of holding myself back. i think it is hard for many girls to let go and believe they can do it. i was one of those, i still am some days. i work hard as a mom to teach my three kids that they are worthy.

Thinking back on your life so far, is there a pivotal or specific moment that led you to this place on your path?

my second pregnancy i began sewing and doing crafts. nothing like i do now, but i was staying at home and honestly bored and unhappy. i needed an outlet. that led to entry into the graphic design world and taking design and art at a local college. Then, when i went through my divorce [yuck, divorce stinks] i went back full time to get my degree and slowly ripened as an artist. i also married a swell guy.




Do you have a favorite quote and/or personal mantra?

i have so many…i will give you an old favorite:
[wake up and live!] — bob marley
i love to listen to bob marley, especially while driving in the summer, windows down, music loud…

and something new:
[freedom is what you do with what has been done to you] — jean-paul sartre
can we get an amen?! this is so true. and something i have had to listen to from deep inside. i found this through miz kelly rae, just to give credit where credit is due.

If you could have one superhero power, what would it be?

duh…x-ray vision!

Thanks for answering all these questions...Is there anything else you would like to add?

well thanks for including me in all the fun. i am a very blessed girl. i have been amazed at how giving everyone is. i couldn’t have done it without the girls i mentioned above and a few others too. if you visit my blog — you can see all of them there. and if anyone is reading this who is thinking, "i want to be an artist," here is what i have to say to that. that used to be me, i said that all the time — i still say it some days, but you are an artist. So go buys some paints and brushes [or whatever you want to use] begin. and don’t be silly thinking it isn’t worthy…of course it is, because it is yours.

oh…please, come and see me at camp indigo soul!

peace!

inspiration palette, august 4th (aqua and pink)

1. Oh So Pretty!, 2. embroidered flowers, 3. "paint a red door, 4. Untitled, 5. Butterfly-esque, 6. cinderella cinderella, 7. Continuum, 8. Dogwood Flowers, 9. Chinatown finds, 10. pInK & blUe, 11. Rose, 12. Ribbons of Vintage Delight, 13. Nice Way to Start The Day, 14. Graphium sarpedon on Pink, 15. Turquoise door - Albuquerque Old Town, 16. wall flower, 17. splish, 18. baby blue and pink cupcakes!, 19. Valley of the Flowers, 20. a pastel pair

happiness by mail

Karen Beth hosted a themed swap where she asked participants to send their swap partners things that make them happy. This idea made me...well...ahem...happy, so I joined in on the fun.

I was lucky enough to be partnered with Stephanie. She sent me the most delightful package that included a delicately handmade book of poetry filled with some of her poems (which was a welcome oasis during my week of ups and downs), a much-loved favorite book (to replace mine that has been long loaned out), a little accordian fold book from Littleput Books, and a gorgeous pair of her handmade earrings (go check out her etsy shop! Her jewelry is beautiful).



In her note she said that the earrings were "fit for an earth mermaid." I must admit to tearing up at that. Thank you so much Stephanie!

Items said aloud (or in my head) in the last three hours

Holy crappoly¹, I forgot to post my swap²!

Me: Did they blow it up on purpose?
J: (insert annoyed laughter) Honey, I've never seen this³.

Only a dog would seem like she is going to be sick but still sniff for food. (pause) Though, her nose is…nosier, so I guess I have no idea what it's like to be her.⁴

Even the devil will use the truth if it's convenient.⁵

It takes a special sense of things to be so damn funny. I love Neil.⁶

I have this theory that the more important and intimate the emotion, the fewer words are required to express it. For instance, in dating, "Will you go out with me?" Six words…"You matter to me." Four words. "I love you." Three words. "Marry me." Two words. But, what's left? What's the one most important and intimate word you can ever say to somebody? It's "good-bye."<sup>7


1</sup>My new favorite phrase
²Earlier this week I received my awesome swap package from Stephanie in Karen Beth's happiness swap. It deserves its own post, so please stay tuned.
³A new Babylon 5 movie came in the mail. And new means it was actually filmed recently and sent straight to video for all the fans (like my sci-fi lovin' husband…and…ahem…me).
⁴Well, I don't know what it is like to be her. Maybe Millie's nosier nose is part of the reason why she is the way she is.
⁵This is my new favorite devil quote. It was said by a character in the Babylon 5 movie. Second favorite is still, of course, Deb Talan with this line "The devil he wore such a fine, fine shirt, and it stayed so clean while he dragged me through the dirt."
⁶See this.
⁷Said by Joe Straczynski (the creator, writer, director) during the extras for Babylon 5: The Lost Tales. (Thank you for these words.)

i took {poetry thursday}

Tonight, as my "to do" list fights with my "people I seem to be letting down lately" list for the top spot on my inbox and the television speaks only sadness, I took a break. From all of it. I took a break holding a Spire cider in one hand and Billy Collins or rather the poetry of Billy Collins in the other. I took a break sitting on my front step as day turned into dusk pulling on the hem of evening's skirt. I took a break from all of it. I took a break with a cider and Billy Collins. I took a break from grief as I skipped over poems that called to me with titles like "The Dead" and "The Afterlife."

I allowed laughter in.

I took a break from it all and spent time with laughter as I read "The Hunt" four times to paint the described landscape in my mind. I let this landscape where Noah Webster and his assistants hunt a new word become, for a moment, my landscape. I took a break with laughter. I took a break. From all of it. I took a break from fixing when I turned to "Going Out for Cigarettes" and nestled inside these words:

Let us say this is the place where the man who goes out
for cigarettes finally comes to rest: on a riverbank
above the long, inquisitive wriggling of that line,

sitting content in the quiet picnic of consciousness

I took a break and let Billy Collins remind me.

I took a break sitting on the front step as dusk settled over the stretching northwest skyline. I took a break. From all of it. I took a break to breathe in nature and words. I began to breathe in every word and then found myself suddenly chewing. As I reread "Metamorphosis" I was suddenly chewing as though if eating "If Kafka could turn a man into an insect in one sentence perhaps he could turn me into something new" and "Not that I am miserable, but I could use a change" would cause the page to turn and I would find myself away. From all of it. From the fighting, stretching lists. I even contemplated consuming the ant that crawled across the words as though his ability to walk on the actual letters would make the words grow inside me and root.

I took a break. From all of it. I took a break and watched the ant crawl across page 70 then 71 and toward the back cover. I took a drink then gave the ant freedom with the understanding of safety from me and Kafka and Collins.

I took a break. From all of it. I took a break with cider and Collins and dusk turning into a warm breezy August nightfall. I took a break to remind myself. I took a break to let poetry remind me of myself.

I took a break. From all of it. I took a break until I could no longer read the words in the dimming light.

I took a break to remember.
I took a break to remember me.

*****

Poems mentioned are from Questions About Angels by Billy Collins. To read "Metamorphosis" in its entirety, click over to this Washington Post article. Note that the poem ends right before the last paragraph (the last word of the poem is face); this isn't clear in the online layout.

Go on over and visit Poetry Thursday to link to more participant posts...

a backyard break

i took a moment to walk around my backyard today...

i took the time:

to take in the color



and breathe



and really see



and listen



and open my eyes to the unexpected*



and notice the tiny



and drink up the beauty



*does anyone know what this fruit is? we have had this little tree that i thought was a form of forsythia since we moved in. it grows a little out of control so i guess i pruned it a bit too much the first winter and it didn't have any fruit on it until this year. apricots perhaps? sky, i bet you know what it is...and maureen, maybe you know...