a reminder...

a little piece i made recently for a friend...inspired by a conversation with kelly.



artfest prep is going strong here in the little room. still have to finish my pieces for the gallery and organize my supplies...and...and pack. eek! kelly is here checking her email and we are laughing and solving the problems of the world (already).


some close ups of "show up"

senses. backyard spring.

{touch}


{taste}


{see}


{hear}


{smell}


{and know}

join me for tea?

I am sitting in my little room drinking some tea and wishing you (all of you) were here. If you were, this is what I would tell you…

I am sleepy and ready for bed. I have hit this wall with some things but know that I must just keep going. Just keep going. I am making several sets of prayer flags, some small, some larger, for the shop I hope to have ready to go in mid-april. I am also working on my website and have to say that it is harder than it seems. I need to write an “about” page. But maybe I can just have something little for now. I need someone to take pictures of me, good pictures, of me working in my little room. I want to capture creating in action. But we need some better light up here in the pacific northwest where spring gave us quite the tease yesterday as I had all my windows open and the sky was blue but today it was gray again and I could not take one decent picture. Though I tried. I went to a flea market on saturday and found vintage hankies. It was de-light-full. Jon was so great taking one trip to the car after I bought this super old fan with blue ostrich feathers. yep. Don’t think two people didn’t ask me if I was going to do a fan dance with it. Oh yes. They did. I smiled. Nope. I am gonna make some kind of art piece out of it. Me. The girl with blue wings. I love it. And I love the linens I bought along with all the gorgeous hankies. I wish we could have an afternoon of sewing and crafting and crocheting. Oh crocheting! I finished my first crocheted scarf. It is kind of my second, but the first is too short and doesn’t really look all that good. But with this second one, I got the double-crochet thing down. Makes me so happy. I will take a picture and show it off. I kind of did my own thing as I decided to create a border of double-crochet all the way around. I wasn’t sure if I could do that…but I did it all the same. My next project should probably be knitting, but I had so much fun with this that I want to crochet some more. Eventually, I want to make a blanket – a ripple blanket ala Alicia over at posie gets cozy. I think that might be my summer project. Need a yarn stash though. Was thinking that it might be fun to do some swaps for things like that and was wishing I had gotten in on the swap over at create a connection as I think it is a craft/art supply swap this month. After artfest and after my shop is up, it would be fun to do some swaps. I cannot wait until artfest. Kelly and I keep have been emailing about our panic levels. I am at about a 7.5 tonight as I did not accomplish one thing toward artfest today. Nope. I need to finish four little gifty things, get my supplies for my classes (luckily I don’t need many and mostly just need to get together what I already have in my house), and organize my trades. Not to mention, I have to decide what clothes to wear. For some reason, this is weighing on me this year. Silly. I know. I need to breathe my way into a 4 on the panic scale so I can get some sleep. One thing that is inviting me to feel super excited though is that a) Alexandra is going to stay with us tomorrow night…can’t wait to see her and laugh and laugh (and am glad she is a dear friend and won’t mind my big messiness of a house and b) tomorrow also brings the brochure for artfiberfest. I have never been but I plan to go this year. As Teesha says on her site, it is the little sister of artfest. And because I have gotten myself neck deep into the world of fiber and sewing and all this fun stuff, I can’t wait to see what workshops will be offered. I can’t wait. Thinking about all this stuff, this crafty + artsy stuff has continued to give me a break from the invited hyperventilation that is always in the back of my mind. Next month, I will head back to the Midwest for a couple of days. Again, part of the “thing I am not really blogging about that is affecting me” thing I mentioned a few weeks ago. I am overwhelmed to say the least. But a friend has reminded me to find my way to the mantra of “be present, be here” and that is helping. (thank you friend) I am trying to stay in this moment instead of fastforwarding or even rewinding for that matter. And on a funny note, as long as rottentomatoes.com doesn’t give it a major splat, Jon and I kinda want to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this weekend. Yep. I loved those guys when my brother was little and loved them and we would watch the TV show and movies together. Turtles in a half shell. Turtle power. I love those guys. This weekend, I watched the entire second season of The L Word. Crap. That is a good show. I was doing other stuff, like cutting and pasting and sewing and crocheting and stuff. It wasn’t that many hours…okay, it was. And it was g.o.o.d. Those girls are damn sexy. Oh and my moo cards came in the mail. I. love. them. They are the cutest things ever. And a perfect little business card when you don't yet have business cards! Okay, I think that’s all I have…

Now it’s your turn…how have you been?

a poem that made me exclaim "oh shit" {poetry thursday}

one great thing about poetry thursday is that you can post whatever the heck you want about poetry on a thursday and still be "participating."

another great thing about poetry thursday is that it invites both poets and readers of poetry to celebrate poetry. so both can participate with ease and enjoy themselves.

today, i come here as a lover of poetry. as a reader of poetry. as reading poetry is what got me here to poetry world in the first place.

and i want to share with you a poem by sharon olds that caused me to exclaim "oh shit" when i finished reading it...i might have even exclaimed it as i read it.

it resonates in that "oh shit" kind of way. in an "i don't exactly want to admit that i know this feeling because i don't want my parents to read this and think i feel exactly like this but what kid from a household where the parents are divorced and know that their parents lives might have in some way been better had they not married and...does not feel this way?" kind of way.

this poem...well...it says it all in a few lines. all that might be said in 20 counseling sessions or one intense moment if someone was ill or what one might say in a heated moment that would be interpreted in all the wrong ways...it says all of it.

this poem is why i love poetry. this poem is why i believe we all must tell our stories over and over again. this poem is why i believe that we should never stop telling our stories even when people might not want to hear us.

i hope you will take the time to go and read I Go Back to May 1937 by Sharon Olds.

(happy poetry thursday...
love, liz)

my inner tulip blossom

Lately, I have been sharing a lot of the lighter stuff here as I have given myself the gift of an escape into the world of pink buttons and flowered fabric and creating. It has been an escape from this. And, I must admit that it is a true gift to myself. I see it as a gift because I simply cannot do the heavy lifting all the time.

As I watch the trees begin to bloom, the buds of new leaves appear, and the continued growth of the tulips, I begin to see how I spend a lot of time pushing and growing and extending. And that when I allow myself some time to bask in the growth, I begin to bloom. I know the metaphor might be too much here, but this is truly how it feels. This time away from working on myself and trying to learn the lessons feels a bit like the gift of a tulip blossom.

Last year at ArtFest, I purchased a pendant that said “spring shall return.” When I first spotted it, I stood there and just started to cry. As I said to Jon and later to Kelly, the artist made this for me, though she didn’t know it at the time. The shell, the bit of turquoise, the words…my grandmother died in the spring of 2005. She died during her favorite time of year. Right when everything was in bloom. I hadn’t been to South Carolina in the spring for several years and I remember thinking as we drove to the funeral home that I could not believe that she died when all her flowers were blooming – didn’t she want to see them? It would have made sense if she had died in the middle of the hottest day or the coldest day of the year…but spring?

The poem I wrote last week (and posted for Poetry Thursday), spoke to a realization about all of this…about a new understanding of her connection to it all.

And, as I wish for her to be here for me to talk to about a few things going on in my life, especially in those moments when I just want to tell someone something and she would be the first person I would have called, I am sitting with the thought that I can simply continue to breathe and bloom all by myself because I already have the tools I need to grow.

In a way, it feels a bit like I am giving myself the gift of spring.

Here is one of my most recent daily polaroids. I think it captures how I have been feeling lately.

a little bit of this and that

i have to share how excited i am about my new monthly columns over at poetry thursday. this week, i shared some words about meditation and Natalie Goldberg and some other good stuff. this column, take a breath (write a poem), will run the second monday of each month. i plan to share meditations over there, along with some words about the connections between mindfulness and writing. as i wrote the column sunday evening, it was wonderful to remember back to my first experience reading goldberg’s work. so much good stuff there.

spring is really in full gear here. though my daffodils are not blooming for the second year in a row (bah humbug – i will plant new bulbs this fall), it is great to see the cherry trees smiling all over the place when i drive around town. and the tulip buds are coming up!

on friday, i received a wonderful surprise in the mail! jennifer of sacred cake was going through her stash of goodness and sent me some wondrous stuff (thank you girl!). so you know what this means...it’s time to indulge me and look at more photos of:

fabric



(a closer look at the green fabric - it reminds me of people out and about in a market in paris...or perhaps seattle)



trim (look at that yellow rick rack!)



hankies (soon to be peace prayer flags)



and…
my favorite thing of all…



buttons. pink buttons. that look like flowers.

there were other buttons and various other delights too…
how lucky am i? i know…i know…

and rumor has it that jennifer is going to be featured in the next issue of cloth, paper, scissors (okay, it isn’t a rumor at all…i will keep you posted on the details here). i love the way she looks at the world (this is my favorite piece of all time) and i am so excited she is getting the attention she deserves! check out her etsy shop!

i continue with the steps toward artfest and getting my little craftsy/artsy business up and running. over the weekend, jon and i started to work on my new website. i am learning (read fighting with) photoshop elements and how to create a website. so i spent a lot of saturday evening cursing and being a general grumpy-butt toward my husband. but, after i finally figured out this one little thing, i was happy as can be (and a lot nicer) and am now on my way.

oh and i am finally beginning to update my gratitude blog. i have continued to take my polaroids each day and write my gratitude list, but i have found it a bit impossible to scan the photos in each day. and because i want to post them in order, i fell behind by several weeks. i decided that this week i am going to just start posting the current ones and will catch up as i can…so stay tuned.

and one more thing…thanks for all the kind comments you leave here. you all fill my heart up. really you do.

i can’t help myself

do you know that part in you’ve got mail where kathleen and frank (meg ryan and greg kinnear) are breaking up and she asks him if there is anyone else (if you haven’t seen it - this is a mutual break-up moment where they both just realized they need to move on) and then she asks him about the republican? and he says, “i can’t help myself.” i love that moment. they are laughing together. it is so good.

when i find myself having a moment where i just can’t stop myself from doing something, i often quote frank in my head.

on tuesday night, when i was completing the “buy 8x8 canvases” step in my steps to do as i gear up for artfest/get my online shop going, i, of course, found myself lost in the little fabric section of the art store that is near my house. and, of course, i found something.

first, i came across these fabrics and i tried to resist. i looked at them: saw the purses in my head. saw the prayer flags. saw the way the fabrics i have at home would match them. even saw this crazy apron/skirt thing i want to create to wear over jeans. but i kept walking. until i circled back. and loaded them into my cart.



then, while i was waiting to checkout, i was delighted and i mean big-smile-on-my-face-gasp-out-loud excited to see heather bailey’s freshcut line! so, i had to buy some of it as well. i mean, how could i not? it is gorgeous.



when have you exclaimed, “i can’t help myself” lately?

breathing into growth (poetry thursday)

Yesterday was my grandmother's birthday. She would have been 84 or maybe it's 85 now. Her grandmother lived to be 102 so I was hoping for more time...

When Dana and I were sitting in a Starbucks in Seattle this weekend, I was telling her that I can't seem to write many poems about anything other than my grandmother. I guess in her death she has become my muse. I will take a nod from Sharon Olds though and will just keep going with it. Writing the words as they come.

As I mentioned here, I am trying to work with shorter poems. To strip it all away to get to the guts of what I want to say. Yesterday, as the sun peeked through the rainy clouds, I found my way to this poem...


On this day
when the sun slips through the gray
and I hear the tulips push upward,
I know this:
Though I ache to lay my hand in yours
and walk around your yard
listening
as you name each stretching green shoot,
you are happier dancing in the wind
whispering
grow, grow

********

If you haven't already, please visit Poetry Thursday and read this week's columns (and the particpants' Poetry Thursday posts too). Marilyn's words yesterday had me standing up in my little room and cheering out loud! I love poetry.

tangled up in minty green

life is like a ball of yarn…

sometimes it is seemingly perfect,



and then there are days when you get lost in the tangles,



but it is always full of beautiful potential.




This is me trying to be (ahem...) philosophical so that I don’t just take my scissors to this tangle. I would like crocheting a lot more if I didn’t spend twice as long trying to get the yarn into a ball that isn’t tangled than I actually spend crocheting.

Yes, my friends, these three photos are all connected, literally, by a thread.

just can't get enough pink

thanks for all the kinds words about my "abloom" purse...

it seems that i am surrounding myself with all things pink lately. i just can't get enough pink in my life...



i continue to sew fabric and paper and other bits and bobbins together...even though i am also working on some kind of a sinus infection, i am still having fun with all the ideas flowing through my head that i then translate into something tangible. an idea becomes something i can touch.

kelly and i keep brainstorming about ArtFest and all the fun that is to come. she is also helping me think through creating my shop and some other things. during our conversations, i have had to admit that i think i create obstacles for myself to prevent myself from accomplishing what i really want to do. i don't see it as fear in the moment, but that is what it is. i am giving it a name. it is, indeed, fear. i am afraid to admit what i want and who i am and who i want to be...

i have written down steps, attainable steps, of what i will do in the next few weeks to get my website, etsy shop, and other things together. i took the first step last night (order moo cards to hand out at ArtFest). tonight i went to the art store and bought two 8x8 canvases to use in creating two pieces for the ArtFest gallery (the pieces are already sketched! just have to make them real now). the next steps include creating just the front page for my website, organizing and making my trades for ArtFest, and finishing up a few things for the shop that is to come.

(deep breath mingled with a sigh)

i am so excited.

having too much fun...

for weeks and weeks now i have been creating bits and pieces of things for a little etsy shop i hope to open in the next few weeks...
but this weekend, i went to a fabric store in seattle with dana, and i found a fabric that i adored (you know that feeling? when you see a fabric you just want to drape yourself in, sleep in, curl up in?), so i decided to make something just for me...i have been so excited thinking about artfest that i decided to make a bag for artfest. something bright and cheery to signify how excited i am and how much the experience last year and looking forward to this year means to me.

here it is:



a little closer in so you can see all the colors (oh i want to just bathe in these colors) and a glimpse of the "patch" i created:


and here is a close up of the little fabric patch i made for the front (it is quite a bit easier to read in person); i bet you can guess that it is my favorite part:



i had never embroidered anything really, let alone letters, until yesterday. i love how it turned out. oh and just in case you can't tell, it says, "i am abloom."

a little glimpse into the pockets inside. there is one for my cell phone, another for my ipod, one for wallet and little bag of stuff i carry in whatever purse i am using, and another pocket divided in two so that one side can hold my favorite moleskine side that i carry with me everywhere and the other side is for whatever the else i want i guess:



yep, i am having way too much fun in my little room...

the road to enchantment

the resort where we stayed was nestled in this canyon...



while there...

i ate the yummiest ahi tuna i have had since jon and i went to maui for our honeymoon
i had two massages (planned to have one, but after the first, the therapist said, "you are having another one right?")
my mother taught me how to knit and crochet
i learned i hold so much in my heart and in my neck
i laughed, a lot, with my mom
i felt comfortable being naked
my heart (that has felt broken for almost two years, has been physically painful on and off for two years) was pushed to begin to heal (it hasn't hurt, at all, since the "soul seeker" experience)
i tapped into my native american past
i ate two meals at a restaurant wearing a bathrobe
i watched the oscars and howled, literally howled, when ellen made the "america voted for al gore" joke
i sat in comfortable silence with my mom
i didn't wear any make-up and got some sun on my face
i was given the assigment of taking three sea salt baths, but i had to use sea salt bath scrub, and the oiliness of the scrub caused me to get stuck in the bathtub because i couldn't get out without slipping, which meant i had to say, "mom, i need help getting out of the tub" and allow my mom to help me
it snowed
it was warm enough for flip flops
i fell in love with the red rocks
i felt far away from a lot
i felt at peace with who i am becoming
i remembered

a glimpse into my trip {poetry thursday}

back from sedona, trying to take it all in as i catch up on work and other things. in writing this poem this morning, i wanted to capture some moments spent with my mother during our trip. it really is just a draft of a poem, i need to peel back a bit more of it, fewer words i think (and i need to start a new knitting project to make sure i have the rhythm that i want in this). but it is a glimpse into some of our time together.

updated to add: this poem is actually about my mother teaching me to knit during our trip to sedona. because so many people have read my words about my grandmother in the past, i know that it would seem that i am talking about her here. the person "talking" in this poem is actually my mother talking about her grandmother (who was my grandmother's mother-in-law; they never really seemed to like one another, to put it mildly, yet they were so alike. and my relationship with my grandmother parallels my mother's relationship with her grandmother in many ways).

********

knit two, purl two

Curled up next to her I watch
patiently.
Her grandmother taught her this rhythm
her hands remember this rhythm
slide through
wrap
catch it
loop moves over
don’t pull too tight
do you see?
I nod
knit two, purl two
knit two, purl two

She hands me the yarn, the needles,
my grandmother said
my signature was to make
at least one mistake.
I hold the needles,
brown yarn through my fingers,
slide through
wrap
I thought that was kind in a way.

We sit in the quiet,
knit two, purl two
knit two, purl two
row after row
I remember when she unraveled
half a blanket,
“you have to get the first row”
she said, “or you ruin it all.”
Slide through
wrap
catch it
loop moves over
don’t pull too tight
breathe
my rhythm.

Not many people liked her,
my grandmother,
but we had something, an understanding.
I think it was because
I was patient with her.
I nod,
knit two, purl two
knit two, purl two
I know.

Days later,
my husband wards off the cold
with the knowledge, the mistakes, the rhythm
of the women who came before me
warmly wrapped around his neck.