inspirations. january 30.

this song (via maddie)

sally jean's blog and (newly-designed) website

people who tell the truth from a place of love

vintage embroidery

blue and green ink that flows freely in my "notes from the little room" moleskine

the library of congress' flickr page (via openbook)

floral prints and polka dots

thank you.

a few delightful, kind, creative, spirited souls have awarded me with the "you make my day" award that has been floating around blog world for a few weeks now.

thank you.

today, i invite you over for tea and lemon cupcakes.

i invite you, yes, you sitting there still in your pajamas
and you wearing your long dark hair in two braids
and you taking a break from painting and taking photos and creating
and you warming up from fun in the snow with your children
and you curled up with your puppy beside you
and you drinking mint tea
and you laughing out loud
and you awake after everyone else is asleep
and you singing softly with bill withers
and you pursing your lips
and you rolling your eyes
and you fingering the hem of your favorite yellow t-shirt
and you looking out the window at the mountains before you
and you living to the south enjoying the smell of fresh flowers
and you living north underneath three quilts in your flannel nightgown
and you on the other coast making this year the year
and you across the ocean sitting quietly and hoping
and you across the other sea changing the world
and you sitting in the sunshine of summer
and you wearing your grey fingerless mitts trying to stay warm
and you doing the best you can
and you wishing for change
and you feeling lonely
and you filled with regret
and you sitting in the quiet
and you tuning out the loudness of joy around you
and you full of peace
and you, yes, you reading these words…
please join me for tea…
because you, yes, you…
you make my day
full
of
all
that
is
good
(thank you)

love,
me

today...a shift...a smile {self-portrait challenge}

Sitting in the dentist office waiting room today, I started writing a blog post in my journal that was full of some of the thoughts swirling around my head lately. Thoughts about how one balances the good and the shit and how hard it is to rest in the midst of all that life throws one's way in any given moment, day, week, year. Since early November I have been to the dentist more times that I can keep track up. The days prior to a dentist appointment are filled with tummy problems and nervousness and dread. At my second appointment, the one where you sit there after your cleaning and the dentist and the assistant talk about your teeth in a language you do not know as though you are not there and write down all the problems you…your teeth…have…at that appointment, I burst into tears. So overwhelmed by all of it. Full of such shame and sadness and a little anger. And, as I explained why I was crying: not because of fear of the dental appointments to come or the tools or the drilling…no, I said, I am crying because I feel such shame that my teeth are like this.

(And in that moment, in my head I was saying…I feel such shame because I smile so big and can't help it but I know that when I smile people can see the discoloration on my teeth. I feel such shame because of all the reasons that are no ones fault yet kind of everyone's fault that brought me to this moment in this chair with these tears. I feel such shame because there is no way we can pay for all of this. I feel such shame because I never told anyone how it felt that day I got my braces off and there was all that damage. I feel such shame because I am 31 and crying at the dentist's office. I feel such shame…)

There was so much I did not say. But, as I tried to breathe to avoid the threatening ugly cry, this new dentist said something...well...something pretty magical, "I think the self-abuse about this should stop today. You are here now. And, we are going to fix it."

So I brought Jeero the uglydoll to the next appointment and sat there for over three hours. And, the next appointment, which was an emergency appointment, I didn't bring Jeero, but I did have my playlist that soothed me while I experienced the joy that is an unexpected root canal. And, I went to the next appointment, and then to the one where the million-dollar crown was put on a tooth, and then to the next appointment where I listened to Steve Martin read his new book and sat for another three hours, and then to today's appointment…

Today.

Even though my head aches from the drilling and my gums are sore from the shots and my sinuses seem to have been a bit affected by all the numbness and all that is a dental appointment, I walked out of the dentist office with a smile on my face. I walked out into the raining sleet that is washing away the snow and felt light.

Today was the day he worked on my front teeth. My front four teeth look so good. They look good for the first time since…well…a long, long time. I feel such joy about it that the tears that fall as I type this are from joy, not shame. It is a good day…

And that one tooth…the one that was so damaged from my braces…the tooth that felt like a mark of shame. It is shining.

It is a good day.

And, yes, I do plan to write about some of the deeper stuff swirling around at some point. But, today, I just want to celebrate letting go of the shame.

Today, I just want to smile.

(see what else people are celebrating over at self-portrait challenge)

it is a day...

As I sit, curled up on the sofa working, I notice the heavy, wet snow plopping onto the roof.

Plop
Thud
Plop

Earlier, I spent a few minutes outside soaking up the sight of this staple from my childhood that rarely visits here. The beauty covers the ground with all the purity that is solid white. The usually tall plants and trees bend beneath the weight of white. The birds flit seeking food that equals warmth; their feet and beaks push aside the stacked up flakes.

It is a day to notice. A day not to let work overwhelm or the mess that is our home overwhelm or the little tugs at wishing things were sometimes different overwhelm.

It is a day to notice the joy that is Millie's determination to sniff every inch of the backyard as she explores all this wet whiteness.

It is a day to sit inside and drink hot cocoa and eat a cupcake and just sit in the quiet and enjoy a little break and notice. Notice feelings and quiet and me.

It is a day to curl up with a patchwork quilt and soft mary jane slipper socks and a cozy sweater; a day to notice the blessing that is being warm.

It is a day to light a candle in the hope for peace and healing for so many.

It is a day to notice the blessings and the bliss.

It is a day to sit in the quiet and breathe and hope.

It is a day to breathe in and notice the feelings, so that when the rain comes and washes it is away, the bliss and the blessings will not be forgotten.

aprons and photos and sun and freezing coldness

taking apron photos outside.
freezing.
modeling my current favorite natasha apron just for fun.
wearing my husband's hat out of need.

yep.
this is me.

(what are you up to?)

five (really) good things

finding a jar of vintage buttons shaped like flowers while stopping at an antique mall i spotted when driving home from portland (especially finding pink vintage buttons that look like flowers...my favorite...though the yellow one above is perfection in vintage button world...at least to me...and that green one is pretty fantastic...and the light blue one is...oh i just love them all).

sitting on the couch with millie curled up against me keeping me warm.

twirling around the house after receiving some exciting news.

continuing to fill up my soul with the blue sky and sunshine we have had for four days in a row.

allowing myself to sit in the quiet and dream about all that the future holds, then taking a deep breath a deciding to just jump in. right now.


please share your five (really) good things.
i dare you.

the only clouds around...{self-portrait challenge}

today, the only clouds that i could see were the ones on my pajamas

blue sky
outside
and inside (me)

celebrating feeling the sun
outside
and inside (me)

breathing in brightness
breathing out hope

today, i feel the joyful reverberations of a slumber party of a weekend full of friendship, laughter, solving a few problems, brainstorming, creating, consuming two super-good snacks here, visits here and here, new jewels, and then an unexpected extra day of time with my brother (and getting to play "i live all by myself in a loft in the pearl" for a few hours).

a weekend that was the deep breath i needed

breathe in blue sky
breathe out compassion

feel the sun inside (me)

(see more self-portrait celebrations here)

planning, listening, and doing some laundry

{planning}
i was looking through some photos on my computer and came across this one of fall in point defiance park and thought it looked like the perfect spot for a picnic. want to join me? wouldn't a big blogger picnic, like a family reunion but without the baggage, be wonderful?!

my mouth has been watering as i read each of the recipes and recommendations you all have been sharing here. i hope you will continue to add other recipes or tips as you think of them. and, i will be sure to report on how things go in the kitchen. i can't wait.

{listening}

the almost like a two-hour lullaby to the self when singing along with these folks playlist

Play Me sung by Neil Diamond
Painting By Chagall sung by The Weepies
Few Days Down sung by Mandy Moore
That's Me sung by Paul Simon
Walking In Memphis sung by Marc Cohn
Magic sung by Bruce Springsteen
Winding Road sung by Bonnie Somerville
Stay sung by Alison Krauss
Wintersong sung by Sarah McLachlan
America sung by Simon & Garfunkel
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You sung by Colin Hay
Saturn's Light sung by Deb Talan
Songbird sung by Fleetwood Mac
Today sung by Joshua Radin
Caravanserai sung by Loreena McKennitt
milkweed sigh sung by stephanie dosen
All Good Things sung by Mandy Moore
On a Day When the Wind Is Perfect sung by David Wilcox
Let Me Touch You for Awhile sung by Alison Krauss & Union Station
Another Galaxy sung by Paul Simon
World Spins Madly On sung by The Weepies
Breathe Me sung by Sia
The Light Is Always Green sung by The Housemartins
Closer sung by Joshua Radin
This Is Neverland by Jan A.P. Kaczmarek
Forgiven sung by Deb Talan
Virginia Woolf sung by Indigo Girls
My Traveling Star sung by James Taylor
You Decorated My Life sung by Kenny Rogers
Help Me Make It Through The Night sung by Willie Nelson
Only The Lonely sung by Martha Davis/The Motels*

{doing some laundry}

tomorrow i head to portland for the weekend. can't wait! tonight i'm quickly looking through these photos trying to decide what to pack after the laundry is all done...

*the version from the album Clean Modern and Reasonable (you can download it at iTunes for less than the amazon import price). the whole album is pretty fantastic…and I’m only slightly biased because my brother co-produced, recorded, mixed it and played drums and acoustic guitar on it.

a question...or two (for you)

(dreaming of summer at the market)

i sometimes think of questions i would like to ask you. you, the people out there who stop by and read my words and connect with me from your corner of the world.

sometimes the questions are simple like "if you had this friday night to spend all by yourself, what would you do?"
sometimes they are more along the lines of "when does your heart feel at peace? even for just a sliver of time...will you tell me about it?"
sometimes they are just little daily living things like "what is your favorite fruit/veggie juicing combination?"
sometimes they are craft+art related questions like "what's your favorite glue or thread or yarn or crochet pattern or..." and how the list goes on.

i think i am going to start a new little series of blog posts here; posts where i just throw these questions out there in the hopes that you might answer me with your wisdom. maybe you will answer in a comment or an email or even in a blog post...

today, i want to ask one of those little daily living questions.

i want to start cooking more often, but i am looking for quick, healthy meals that fall under categories like:

i probably have most of the ingredients in my cupboard or can make do with what i have
the ingredients can be purchased in a quick trip to the store
it's 4:30 pm and i just realized i need to think of something to make for dinner
this is so damn good that i want to eat it every week even if it isn't as easy as i'd like...it's worth it
one pot meals

do you have any recipes you can share (or link to) that fall into any of these categories? recipes that work for you (and your family) as you try to balance everything and still eat healthy and at home at the table...

thanks,
liz

just me, the rebel, and blue sky (my sacred sunday)

catching my eye

kelly rae's new article in CPS (it's about blogging...check it out my friends!)

all the gorgeous new jewelry at l'essence du monde

the sale linda is having in her shop (the hat in this photo is from her shop - it is my favorite hat right now - every time i wear it, which is every day, someone comments on how great it is...i think i might need to get a second one)

reading the comments of this post over at alicia's...so much goodness in memories there

the matchmaking happening over at tongue and cheek

this post (and magical photo) by miss madelyn (oh and this photo too)

this photo by miss daisies (and the big, wide truth she shares in this post)

rachel's wish tree

"ahead" by kelly (which has actually been on my "love, love, love it" list for months but tonight i just want to hammer the nail it would hang from on a wall in the little room, hang it, and stand back and smile)

the wise words on peace that denise shares here

this painting by miss misty

the 365 project (i'm thinking about it)

all these aprons (i bought a new one today at my favorite antique store...looking at all these makes me realize i need to take some photos of my ever-growing collection)

a quiet night (just the girls)

17 things inviting my lips to turn up a bit today

deciding to sleep for an extra hour this morning.

the sun shined for a few minutes today.

cooking lunch for myself and then not working while eating.

my boss's delightful sense of humor.

feeling cocooned by community. (thank you)

listening to the political heads talk on cnn.

wearing my new mickey sweatshirt (it is so soft).

my always straight for my whole life hair is starting to curl when i let it air dry.

the way millie followed me around all day, right by me in every single moment, until she heard the magical sound of the keys in the back door and suddenly found a new source to shadow.

singing loudly in the shower.

looking down and seeing that my AOUSs (ankles of unusual size) are normal again. (does this happen to anyone else when flying across the country? how do i prevent this?)

beginning to replace all the not so great underwear with the new favorite underwear so that each morning i put on a favorite pair instead of an "oh crap i need to do laundry" pair.

the umbrella resting against the back step that i used so that i did not have to get wet while millie did her thing in the midst of this evening's downpour. (thanks for keeping it there.)

saying no to something, even though the decision was hard, saying no.

lighting the healing candle and believing.

realizing that grey's anatomy is new.

remembering there is a frosty in the freezer (and then consuming it while watching grey's anatomy).

inspirations. january 9.

"start close in" by david whyte.


this brian andreas story (and this one too).


this carla sonheim girl.


singing loudly while listening to my ipod.


listening to steve martin.


an enchanted life.


sparkletopia.

.today.

I listen to these words…

Where have you been,
My long lost friend?
It's good to see you again.
Come and sit for a while
I've missed your smile*

and my heart aches.

Today, I would have picked up the phone.
The feelings stacking up inside…pushing up into my chest and throat.

anger. whys
sadness. fears.
confusion. assumptions.
grief. truths. untruths.

I wanted to just say it. All of it. Out loud. To you.

As I drove away from Starbucks with my chai latte, trying to find warmth for a body that has never so hated the chills of the wet weather here than it does this day, my heart cried to tell you, to tell someone, all of it.

Instead I drove home.

I drew a bath, lit a candle, and sat in the hot, hot water with my hot chai.
My body found warmth.
And I told you all of it.
Without the phone or your voice or your presence.
I came back to my practice.
The one that sometimes creates winding paths of tears.
The one that forces me to speak the truth.
I came back to my practice and told you everything.
All the stacked up feelings poured forth with the tears and snot and truth.
I sat in the warmth and told you everything.
I hugged myself and dipped face first into the water.
Releasing one hands grip on fear.
And sat up and sang a lullaby to me.
Then I found my breath.
And stood and salt-scrubbed through to the next layer.
I chanted winding, repeating rhythms to Ganesh.
And held onto the hope of beginning and pushing through.
Pushing through all of it.

Tonight, I sit here, listening to these words

A sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Above the tree and I see
Your star up there
And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by**

and my heart aches.
The ache of truth and missing.

I try to find my center in the midst of the ache, in the midst of the confusion, sadness, assumptions, untruths, and all that cannot be.
I try to find my breath.
I try to find my truth.
I try to find my center.

I breathe in.
I breathe out.
I breathe in.
I breathe out.


*lyrics from "Stay" sung by Alison Krauss
**lyrics from "Wintersong" sung by Sarah McLachlan

solutions to the grumps

the post-vacation sleepy grumps got the best of me today...
jon reminded me that when i can't get out of a funk there is one fool-proof solution:
kittenwar!

he was right.

and i reminded myself that there is another solution that always works:
a little etsy therapy

and i was right too.

today's purchases, from this lovely goddess's shop, encouraged me to think about a few of the items i've packed and brought with me into 2008...i will share more when these thoughts are a bit more arranged in a less sleepy head.

i'm anticipating all that is to come with this year...

blessings to you in your corner of the world.
wish you were here to share in a cup of tea.

five (really) good moments from last week and happy (belated) new year

please share your five (really) good things...or moments...from the last few days...catch me up on what is happening in your world...



*********
i wanted to post this video on new year's day...but i got caught up in all the fun and enjoyed a vacation away from my laptop...though i am going to post my belated new year's wishes to you all the same...
update: some of you let me know you are having trouble watching the video. not sure what is going on, but you can click here to watch it.



hope your first few days of 2008 have been full of light and peace...