a transition

in the last couple of weeks, i have jettisoned from the blogger closet. no longer anonymous. when i first started this blog, i wasn't sure if i would share it with anyone but my husband. i didn't expect that anyone would really read it. i think a lot of us start that way don't we? my posts felt so anonymous. who would ever read these words? but i started leaving comments at the blogs i had been reading for several months. then michelle stopped by. my very first comment (thank you michelle). and then she stopped by again. and then a few others stopped by and left their comments. and suddenly people i had never met were reading the words i put out there into the universe every day.

i shared the link with a few people in my "real" life. people i felt would not judge. (or thought wouldn't. one friend shocked me with his words about how simple and trite my thoughts seemed.) no one from my real life really let me know if they were reading. and that was okay. and because of that, i still felt very anonymous.

a few weeks ago, i realized that i felt a bit of a disconnect between my day to day life and the fact that writing here has become so important to me. i wanted to share this aspect of my journey with the people who have known me for a while. i began to share the link to this little page out here in cyberspace with more friends. and also my mom. i am no longer anonymous. i have no control over who is reading my blog, what they will think. so now i feel like i am in a bit of a transition period. trying not to censor myself, and i don't think i am, and letting go of the worries of this decision. letting my blog world and my real world become, simply, my world.

i have, though, been thinking about the questions my friends and family may have about this blog medium. and why i do this. why i come to this blank page almost every day and share thoughts, ideas, silliness, sadness...so here is a little q & a for you...

Why did I start this blog?
last summer i attended a retreat and through an exercise at the retreat, i ended up writing about what my work is/what i want it to be. i wrote more about this here. part of what i wrote was this: my work is to create peace around me and to write about true things, feelings, and moments so that others will know they are not alone.
i had no idea how i was going to do this. all i knew was that i wanted to write and share. i had been reading several blogs for a few months, but it didn't even cross my mind to start my own. and then one day it did. and this hope became a reality. this is why i read blogs; this is why i have one. this journey through life is difficult and beautiful and crazy and hard. and it is nice to know that there are other people out there, all over the world, doing the best they can just like me. they are pursuing dreams they had forgotten about. finding their true selves. finding a spiritual path. creating, writing, painting, dancing, drawing. raising children. helping others. learning how to love themselves. finding laughter in the midst of grief. reconnecting with the person they once were. doing the best they can. and to be able to connect with them...well, that is just a miracle really.

Am I going to mention my friends and family on my blog?
again, the anonymity piece. when i first started writing here, i didn't think friends or family would see this blog. then i thought i might have a rule where i wouldn't mention them unless i asked first. now i feel this way: this is not a place where i will vent or make fun or purposefully cause another pain. this is not be my intention. i will not share the secrets of others, only my own. because my journey involves my friends and family, they may come up (and if you have been reading for a while, you know i have posted about my family). if i share about you it is because you are a part of my life and i love you. it is that simple. but this may mean that i share my struggles sometimes. i won't be posting specifics, no one will be able to "find you" through my blog (unless they already know you).

How do comments work?
ahhh...comments. yes. the ultimate exercise for the ego. comments are wonderful. thank you thank you thank you for the comments. however, the ego sometimes becomes a bit too involved. the "guess what? 20 comments today!" ego. if you feel moved to leave a comment, i appreciate it because then i know you are out there in your corner of the world, visiting me in mine. but don't feel pressure to leave one. i sometimes get wrapped up in "oh no, i did not visit all the blogs i read today/this weekend/this week. are they going to hate me because i didn't comment? will they not come back to visit me if i miss a week?" i am learning to let that go. please let it go too.

and if you have been stopping by here every now and then for a while you might wonder: Am I really still reading the summer of the great-grandmother?
ok no. i wish i was. i had to turn it back into the library when i was halfway through it. yes, i know it has been up there on the sidebar for two months. i want to be reading it, that is why it is there. i will try to do a better job of posting the current books i am reading. especially since i have read several since then.

Are there any other questions floating around out there? If yes, leave me a comment (hee, hee) and I will answer them. Thanks for stopping by my friends...from both worlds...thank you.