an atypical post

i just want to release this out into the universe.

i am freaking out about money. there it is said.

please go about your day. breathing and laughing and all that fun stuff. i just had to put that out there.

we are going to an event that we cannot afford to attend. at all. (sorry, but that is true.) i do not know how to explain something like this. so i go into more debt. my mother is trying to be supportive yet wake-me-up at the same time on this (since she is here visiting). she is being very generous and giving us miles for the plane tickets because they would have cost us over $1400.00. i kept avoiding buying them because i had no idea how we would afford them.
i know. it should be easier to explain this. but it isn't. it should be easier to say no. it should be easier to stop spending money we don't have. it should be easier. but it isn't. not even a little bit. although we are making some wiser choices, we still are not decreasing the debt. just not adding to it. our garage door broke earlier this month. we had to buy an entire new door for the garage. how could i say, "well, we can't come to this weekend now because we had to buy a new garage door?"
please know i am not really asking for advice here (thanks anyway). i already know that i should have simply explained we could not afford to attend and not worry about what was said or thought about me. but that is not easy. (and no, this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings...but i had to put this out there into the universe in the hopes that my heart would be lightened and some answers might come my way through the energy of releasing it.) hence the tiny type. i mean, i do not even want people to read this. i hate money issues.