In the comments from my last post, Sky wrote, "letting go of your need to control judgments can sometimes free you in significant ways." Oh my this is huge. Yes. This is it. I keep reading this aloud so it will sink into me. Really sink in. Thank you. The control piece is a big part of my journey. I don't want someone not to like me; I just want them to know I am doing the best I can even if they don't like what I am doing. But I have to own the parts that are about me, and let go of the parts that are about them. I am going to continue to let this one twirl around in my mind and reflect on the issue of control in my life.
This morning, my grandfather fell and broke his hip. Shit. All I can say about this is shit. He has been without my grandmother for a little over a year and has been adjusting to being alone and this happens. And I can only imagine how alone he feels. He fell in the garage. In his neighborhood in South Carolina, most people have a carport so the garage does not have a door. He had his keys in his hand and kept setting off the car alarm panic button; turning it off, then on again, and so on. Some young man he has never met, living three streets over, kept hearing it. He decided to jump in the car and investigate. And he found my dear grandpa in pain on the floor of the garage. Bless his soul from the hair on his head to his toes. Thank you sir, whomever you are. (Gramps has surgery in the morning. Hopefully all will go well and he will be home in a few weeks, self-sufficient again. But life is unpredictable. I take a breath and do what I can from here. And I also admit that somehow this brings up my sadness about missing my grandmother and how she is supposed to be here. Silly...maybe even selfish. But true.)
I was on the phone with a dear friend this morning and my husband motioned me to come outside. In our little sideyard a foxglove is blooming! Last summer, a friend gave me some "extra" plants from her garden. And now a foxglove is blooming. This is amazing. I was just telling Letha that I love foxgloves. Hee, hee. Now I have one. Wondrous.
And I am off to Portland this afternoon for a girls night with some friends. I cannot wait. The blessing of laughter and poetry reading and good food and silliness in the midst of all of it.
Finally, I would like to "borrow" an idea from Michelle. I spill of myself here quite a bit and sometimes wonder, "do these people who stop by have anything they wish they knew about me?" Do questions come to mind as you visit my corner of the world? If so, leave them in the comments and I will answer them when I get back from my quick trip down to Portland. From the serious to the truly silly...I will answer them.