having a bit of a moment and hoping the deity of computers reads my blog

last week, an odd message appeared out of no where on my desktop computer. i shut down. restarted. all was fine. i am one of those wacky people blessed with a laptop and a desktop. i use my desktop for scanning, downloading my pictures from my rebel, printing, and some work and my work-related email. so a whole lotta stuff is on that thing. my laptop is a new purchase (well, in the last few months) so now i am not attached to a desk all the time and can work from the couch or take off for a cafe in the middle of the day and work from there.
but.
the message appeared again today. and now nothing is working. jon spent an hour on the phone with dell and we thought all was right again. it worked for a few minutes (of course we had hung up with ravi the nice guy from dell who just might be in india). until i tried to check my email. same error message. the computer is not working. at all. i can restart in safe mode and it will work for a few minutes. then the same error message.
here is the kicker. (and how i know some of you relate to this next part.)
all of my pictures taken in the last two years are on that damn computer.
(yes. you. yes. you. nodding at this screen. yes. you are right. i did not back them up.)
so this means that the last pictures of my grandmother and me and the last pictures of my golden traveler. these last pictures are stuck on this computer.

so this comes up...

a few weeks ago a friend and i were talking about her big move. the stress that comes with moving period. let alone moving to a new state. it is scary. and she and her husband were feeling the pressure. she said that the three biggest stresses in a person's life are (in order):
losing a loved one
losing a pet
moving

then she looked at me and said, "you had all three didn't you?"
yes. in a nine month time period i moved across the country from the only place i had ever lived (and this means i "changed" jobs), my dog died, and then my grandmother died.
no wonder i felt lost in the midst of it all.

and all the pictures taken during this time of being lost are stuck on my computer. i know there are lessons. don't i always find those darn lessons.
but right now i just want to cry. i feel a deep hole in my chest. i know it isn't about the pictures really it is about all that other stuff. about not having control. about missing loved ones. and i just want to curl up in a little ball.

instead i am crawling into bed with my three uglydolls (we welcomed two new ones into the family this week so jeero is no longer alone) and jon and i'm gonna watch another episode of making fiends.

we'll call ravi the dell guy again tomorrow and hope he can work a miracle. if he can't, then the geek squad may be making a stop by this house.