poetry, candles, gratitude, and a special day

I am spending time with the words of David Whyte, specifically the poems in his book Where Many Rivers Meet. The first poem in this collection, “Enough,” is the one that I keep reading over and over. It is short, only a few lines, but it resonates deeply this week. A brief snippet from the poem:

This opening to the life
we have refused
again and again
until now.

I have again explored Whyte’s website and listened to him read “The Journey.” Take a moment and go hear him read this poem (just scroll down for the audio file). I read this poem a few months ago and it had one meaning for me. Last night, another meaning was revealed. I love this about poetry. You can take a few moments out of your day to read a poem, and your perspective on life, yourself, a relationship, a moment, the world around you, and on and on can shift just a bit. And the poem might even be an old friend, but it reveals something new to you.

I am lighting the candles I bought over the weekend from Carla’s online shop Zena Moon. The scent of these candles is delicious yet subtle. If you know you like the scent of sage for example, I am sure you will like the candles with sage in them. All five candles (and the one she gave us for free) smell incredible. But the part that means the most to me is that when she makes them, she makes them with a specific intention. So I have been burning the healing candle, and today I will burn the boundaries candle (I am learning that if there is ever a time you need to set boundaries it is when you are ill – may this be one of the many lessons that stays with me through this experience).

I am thankful for the friends and family who have reached out to me through emails and phone calls (and comments of course). It is such a blessing to have someone let go of saying platitudes and just say, “I know this is hard, and no matter what happens, I am here.” Because really, when you are scared about your health, that is all you want someone to say. That and “this just sucks” because it does. From the way I have been treated through this process (by my HMO) to the uncertainty ahead, it just sucks. (But I am happy to report that we have found an incredible new primary care physician. She is listening to me, and her job isn’t “just her job.” She understands that her job deals with people’s lives and fears and health.)

I am blessed to be sharing my life with an amazing man who is my husband and my friend. Today is our fourth anniversary. (Happy Anniversary sweetie!) I sometimes just can’t believe I am married (I really thought I would never marry) and that I am married to someone who is so kind and who truly honors the woman I am and the woman I am growing into. We continue to navigate through communicating as partners and learning together. And through bumps and miscommunication and laughter and care and silliness and love and looking into one another’s eyes, we are finding our way.