take a moment. remember.

we watched "sunday morning" this morning.

the opinion piece by martha gillis is something we all should watch...even though it is hard to sit in the quiet and listen to this woman's words, i believe, this is something we all need to see. something we all need to remember.

the words are found here.
you can scroll down and click on the video in the left column of that page (or click here).

blessings and peace,
liz

this day.

this morning, i almost forgot me for a bit

life is full in this moment....which can be oh so very beautiful...

but also an invitation for overwhelm

and a current project had me in a full-on stop. start. stop. what is going on? start. stop.

so i took myself outside

and found yellow + wishes

and remembered

simple things (on this day)

a pause at metropolitan market . july 8, 2009

christina has invited another day of "the simple things." i am bit late to the party, but i do so want to play along...especially because this was a day when i needed the reminder to gather the simple things close to me, to breathe them in, and to know that this is the good stuff that makes up this life.

we must remind ourselves of the simple goodness that makes up this journey.

my list...

happy skirts . tiny turner sings "better be good to me" into my ear and i dance in my seat at the cafe . the opportunity to make someone smile . the leaf atop my vanilla soy latte . momentum, when it chooses to visit . my husband's one day growth of beard . the visit to the dentist today that resulted in the words i have never heard before "you have no cavities" (took 33 years) . a friend who nods in understanding . a friend who holds the space for me . striped socks . owning that this is me . possibility that is each day . when someone says "yes" . that quilt, yes, that one . when the planted seed begins to stretch . the rhythm of each breath .

(thank you christina. this has really been the perfect bookend to this day.)

(and you reading this, you should go check out the links to all souls playing along today. go on...take a few minutes and read a few...then make your own list.)

.in this moment.

photo by jon

in this moment
find your breath

find the rhythm
inhale
notice how your body moves
exhale
notice how your mind settles

inhale

exhale

seek the space around your heart

inhale

exhale

inhale

exhale

inhale
begin to allow peace to fill this space

exhale
let this peace settle over you

inhale

exhale

inhale
breathe in this peace

exhale
begin to send peace
to someone
who needs this peace
in this moment

inhale

exhale

inhale

exhale

inhale
breathe this peace in

exhale
let it settle over you

inhale
feel this space around your heart

exhale
rest inside this peace within you

namaste

this day.

forest exploring, olympic peninsula . april, 2009

give yourself permission
to let this moment
this moment
right now
be just for you

find your breath

notice your next inhale...
then the exhale that follows

let your mind rest
inside the movement
of your breath
in your body

find the rhythm of this movement

inhale
chest opens
exhale
shoulders relax
inhale
heart opens
exhale
feel the space inside you

when you are ready
to return
to what is to happen next
know this:

you have all the tools you need for this day
and the next
and the next

namaste.

the feelings, always the feelings.

cannon beach light . july, 2007

a couple of years ago, i posted about a poem by sharon olds that made me exclaim "oh shit" right as i finished reading it. this "oh shit" had to do with the mirror the poet lifted in front of my life as i read her words.

i thought of this yesterday, as i sat in the mandolin cafe reading thunder and lightning by natalie goldberg. i thought of this as i found myself grabbing a sticky note and writing "holy shit!" with big arrows toward two sentences in back-to-back paragraphs on page 65:

In all the years I was writing I had never imagined this response.
I learned I can't control people's reactions.

she was specifically talking about her ex-husband's reaction to her novel Banana Rose and how the book mirrored some of her own experiences, including their break-up. as the reader (and having read the book), i had my own assumptions about how he would react...about how "family" always reacts. but then goldberg writes that when he called her to tell her he had read it, his reaction surprised her and they had the best and deepest conversation they had had since the divorce. she writes:

I learned I can't control people's reactions. My job is to work with my writing and make it the best I can.

to this i nod and say yes yes (even as i stare at my notebook and cross something out worried that a member of my family might read it if i suddenly died and my notebooks were found and read and misunderstood).

but the way my mind was working in the moment i read those words had me jumping to another thought: i simply have to let people have their feelings.

there is a need inside me to protect the feelings of others. yes, i smile, this is what i tell myself. i want to protect them from the truth i want to share or from feeling bad because i need to set a boundary or from misunderstanding me. i twist and turn possibilities in my mind in this attempt to protect. how should i say this? how can i tell the truth? what will they think if i write that? what if i said, "what you just said deeply hurt me" or "what you said last summer was like a sucker punch"? what would happen if i just said "no"? the twisting and turning in my mind has begun to make me nauseated. it is as though i am at disney quest in chicago with my brother in the late nineties and we are inside that red spinning rollercoaster-like machine and i just want out.

here is the truth i so do not want to admit...to me...to you...to this white space in front of me. i convince myself that i am protecting people's feelings, when in reality i am simply afraid they won't like me. that they will reject me. that they will see me for who i really am. that they won't love me.

that is the simple and real and wide truth.

and this is indeed a lesson i have sifted through before, written about before. but this is another layer to the lesson. i don't see growth as part of a checklist. there is not space for, "oh good. glad i got that one over with. time to move onto the next one." each day, we learn another piece, perhaps repeating a lesson in a new way (or an old way). again, we fall into the hole in the sidewalk, but realize we know the way out.

for me, in this moment, taking a breath and simply inviting myself to let people have their feelings is another layer to this deep understanding that i am only in charge of my reaction. and i cannot stop others from having their reactions. it might be obvious, but that doesn't mean it is easy.

this is what i am focusing on right now: as do my best to i come from a place of truth and love as i walk in my life, i am only in charge of me.

it all is, again, another opportunity to step into the light.
to step into the light and see.
to then stand in the light and open my mind and heart to what i already know.
to stand in the light and be open to whatever will happen next.

the blue.

gearhart, oregon . february, 2009

the blue sky peeks in at me as i sit here, still in blue flannel pajamas, collar softly brushing my neck, and thick socks; a quilt someone's someone made years ago tucked around me. the childhood taste of cheerios and milk still resting in my mouth and the smell of both in the air. the "letting go" candle burns on the table beside me as millie sleeps to the sound of the heater kicking on and blowing its whirring warm air around us. i stare back at the sky through the slits. i stare back at the reaching toward the blue pine and let the whirring thoughts rest for a moment. the thoughts rest for just a moment as i breathe in and try to focus only on the way the breath moves around my heart and through my body from my toes to my crown. i focus on this breath and the blue and i close my eyes. i close my eyes as the salted water arrives and i try to hold onto the space. with each breath, i try to hold onto the space.

in this moment . know this truth

it is good to be reminded
it is good to be reminded that i am not alone
it is good to be reminded
there is deep, true connection in my life
i can look myself in the eye and know that this is truth
i am not alone
i am not alone

(you are not alone)
(remember this)
(reach out to someone in your world)
(invite love in)

i send you blessings and peace on this day
i send you blessings and peace for this moment in your journey
remember
in this moment
you are not alone

the light.

sunset, bandon, oregon . january 2009

finding the light...
breathing deeply into connection and hope
spending time doing instead of just wishing
an opening of the heart
a letting go
a hope
a moving forward

how have you let some light in today?

january 21.

i have been thinking about more frequent video posts for a while now...
so here is the first of a series...

(i need to work on camera placement and lighting, but without a teleprompter, i knew i wouldn't be able to recapture what i said, so i decided to just go with this.)

one piece of happy

an invitation has been extended to you...
today
in this moment

in this moment
find one piece of your journey that brings you happiness
find one piece, even if it is small or simple or something only you know,
find it inside you

and then,
if you want to accept,
you could sit inside this happiness...

you could sit inside this happiness and allow it to surround you with all that you need today...

in this moment

in this moment
allow the space around your heart to fill with the joy that lives inside your world...

the pauses.

i have been trying to notice the pauses in between all the other stuff...

the hot hot water of the shower pelting my back

the truth and beauty in the sound of a friend's laughter

tucked in bed listening to jonny breathe as the rain pounds the roof

inhaling deeply while holding my favorite blue mug full of jasmine green tea

slipping on jon's shoes because then i can still wear my thick sock slippers while i take millie out and watch her run around the yard and stop and listen and run again as the rain drips drips drips upon us

a letting go of feelings that served their purpose

color sneaking its way in

a desire to wear more lipstick

looking out the window for just a moment while thinking about a dream that might come true

braiding my hair into two long braids and feeling more like myself

curling up by the fire with a really good book and my family

...i have been trying to notice the little moments that make up this life.

be present {a soul mantra}

be present
a new soul mantra necklace from the little room

bring stillness in
give yourself
(deep, wide)
permission
to just be present
in this moment
in this life
in your life

allow yourself
to experience
without the swirl
of distractions
around you
(within you)

notice how your breath
moves in your body
notice the beauty
of this moment
of this life
of your life

baby girl,
you are here
(right here)
where you are supposed to be
just let yourself
be present
and
live this life

live your life

on being present.

me, dar, jen, maddie

photo taken by darlene

i have been thinking a lot about how i really know how to get lost inside my own head and sometimes that means getting lost inside the past. the truth is that the past is what gives us the experiences we need to deal with the moment we are living in, but sometimes the past creates a path where you are walking knee deep in murky stuff that isn't helping you at all but is instead threatening to pull you under.

a pattern has begun to make itself clear. i try very hard to feel alone in a group. i try to find a reason why someone won't like me or why i am being invited to feel left out or why i am not the most interesting person there so of course people really do not want me to be part of it all and oh how the list goes on.

i try to find little reasons to feel lonely, even when i am having a good time. and here is the thing, i don't even really realize i am doing it because i am so wrapped up in, "see (i tell myself), see, i am right. they don't even want to listen to you/your ideas..." or some other such nonsensical phrasing that i try to make myself believe. somehow this must have been working for me in the past. this walking in the back of the group "oh look at me, no one even wants to walk with me" kind of crap...it must have been working. i think it is how i could justify feeling lonely so often.

and i suppose the reality is that i have had some experiences where this little voice has been proven right. where someone seemed like a friend but wasn't. where a group acted like they wanted me to be part of their closeness but when i was really myself i was rejected.

these experiences have given that voice power..."see, i am right!" it says...

so when i found myself invited to a weekend in portland with a dear friend i have spent a lot of time with in person and two bloggers i couldn't wait to meet in person and spend time with, i said yes. and i didn't even think about saying no. i guess i wasn't allowing myself to dwell on any negative possibilities because if i did, i might have a total panic attack thinking that the rejection i had felt from other bloggers i had spent time with might happen again.

and i never did let that panic even whisper loud enough to warrant recognition.

but, i so tried to feel alone in a group again.

yes. i. did.

even though i was having an incredible time. even though i felt truly embraced. even though i was staying in a home where i feel like family when i am there.

i still tried to let the past stomp on the present.

but, this time, i tried to just observe it while it was happening. i recognized it, "oh, there you are again. there you are trying to invite me to see something that isn't happening. i see you." and i just let myself feel it, while also staying really, really present in what was happening around me.

and a funny thing happened. i couldn't convince myself that it was happening again because all the evidence pointed to an experience with three women where i was being really seen for all of me.

staying present while allowing myself to be honest with me about the emotions that were coming up allowed me to remain grounded while recognizing my own wisdom.

and, there is this other piece of deciding not to share all those feelings as i was having them because even though i was surrounded by women who care about me, who would have listened, sometimes the sharing creates an unexpected drama that just isn't needed if you allow yourself to find that grounding within.

i believe this one simple truth: we all want to be liked.

but there is another layer of this: we need to like ourselves.

i know that might sound simple or silly or "mid-80s new age-y," but we need to look at the truth of our own self-reflection and be honest about what we say to ourselves and how that invites its own layer of confusion as we live in our lives. or should i say, i am doing this a bit more each day and realizing how it enables me to be so much more fully present in my life.

i started this blog in the midst of the two-year yoga teacher training i did a few years ago. i was in the midst of understanding how just being with one's breath, present within the inhale and exhale, could change one's life. the idea of trying to "be present, be here."

learning to really live this, not just speak of it, is a pretty intense experience.

but, i think it is really living. living by being present and grounded and embraced within your own knowledge and truth...while allowing yourself to be loved.

last week, i was very lucky to spend time with three gorgeous souls in portland and i felt safe enough to see myself.

(thank you)

looking back to see here.

westport, washington, april 2008

i remember that little twitch inside that wasn't really a twitch but was more like a jolt that became an rsvp to an invitation to be completely misunderstood. i remember that whisper in the middle of my chest that was really more like a pit in my stomach that was feeling more than alone in the midst of what was to be an encirclement. i remember not listening to the voice inside that was really my intuition that was really the wisdom that has always been there. i remember the empty space that was really a moment alone that was actually a breath of fresh air disguised as intense confusion. i remember the desire to be thought of as someone else which was really a wish to be loved for who i was in that moment. i remember the confusion that was really the truth of someone else unable to just show up. i remember the words that are now only echoes that once insisted to be significant and now are the path that brought me to this moment. i remember feeling the darkness while looking at what was supposed to be trust and wondering why i allowed it all to happen. i remember the hope that turned into an ugliness that became my path and birthed all that was meant to be.

i am here.
i am here.
i am here.
and it is beauty.
all of it.
it is beauty.
(thank you)

still.

imagine being still
breathing in
breathing out
focusing just on you
for this moment
for just this moment
letting go of what might be pulling on you
letting go of the insistent pulling
and just find a stillness
and your breath
and the space around your heart
find that space
breathe into it
allow yourself to find that space
allow yourself this one moment

today i stand in the light. (and a shop special in honor of election day)

stand in the light.
this has become my soul mantra of late.
i uncover and shift and look inward and move the truth, move myself, into the light.
i walk toward the lightness and let go of (some of) the patterns that seemed to serve me.
i see those patterns for what they are.
i see through them.
i see how those patterns held me close in the darkness.
i see them.
i walk away.
i insist that they release me.
i (try to) no longer ignore or push away or pretend.
i take off the blinders.
i want to find me.
i want to see me.
i cannot see me in the darkness.
i walk toward the light.
i bring the truth that sits inside me.
i bring the truth that is my truth that is nestled inside the wisdom i have had all along.
i stand in the light.
i feel the light, the warm yellow healing light, surround me.
i see me.
i see this life that is me.
i see me.
i stand in the light.
i am free.

*****

i have added the stand in the light soul mantra necklace to the shop. it is available in brass and sterling silver. the i hope soul mantra necklace is also now available in sterling silver.

additionally, i have added the i am abloom soul mantra necklace. it is pictured below with the (new) crystal ball necklace from jen's shop. (i love the way the crystal ball necklace looks with the soul mantra pendants. makes me so happy. this is my everyday look now.)

***and a special in honor of election day: if you let me know that you voted (just put it in the notes to seller as you place your order), you will receive 20% off brass soul mantra necklaces and/or free shipping on sterling silver necklaces. i will reimburse you the sale amount (or free shipping) via paypal after you place your order. this sale is through midnight PST on november 4.***

on the last day of october...

a pocket library tote (part of a giveaway at the end of this post)

i must admit that the month of october blew by me. it just did. poof. suddenly gone.

i have been dipping into blog reading here and there and have really been inspired by all that you are saying. there is a "pulling it all up from the guts and looking at where i am in the world" going on out there. and i have read some words i really needed to read...and felt an invitation to stop keeping so much in and start sharing in this space in ways i used to, especially how i wrote when i first started blogging.

i have felt really overwhelmed about a few things lately and the lonelies have plopped down in the middle of the living room and won't leave me alone. but they are parked in the midst of so much clutter, literal and figurative clutter, and i have decided to finally tackle it. yep. i spent about five hours yesterday beginning to move the little room into the guest room (and from: the living room, the kitchen, the laundry room, and the family room). the little room will become the guest room. i can't wait. i want to just wrinkle my nose and have it done or at least just have the furniture swapped...or have one of you live near me and maybe you could just come over and help for a day. we could get so much done. i would take you out for dinner (sushi?) and you could even spend the night (the guest bed is really comfy) and then jon would make us breakfast. yes. that would be perfect. let's do that.

anyway, i have decided that i just might try to write in this space every single day in november. i'm not going to (at this point) sign up for anything as i don't think i can handle that guilt of not finishing (i am so very good at guilt)...but dar's posts have been pushing me lately...pushing me to let that writer back out of me. pushing me to realize that getting some of these stuck words and feelings out of me might just help me to get out of my head. and i so need to get out of my head.

i passed 700 posts a few posts back. and i really, really want to celebrate that. meant to do that at 600 posts and then at my three-year blog birthday last month. ahhh...this is the way it has been lately. anyway, i really want to celebrate with a thank you for all that you give me by stopping by and sharing yourself with me...and thank those of you with blogs who give pieces of yourself as you share your world...

the library pocket tote at the top of this post is a favorite of mine. i bought up all the yards i could find of that cursive writing blackboard fabric. it just makes me happy. and i use a bit of it every now and then. this giveaway will include that tote and then a few other of my favorite things like vintage buttons and other vintage bits.

so to enter this little giveaway that seems a bit hidden at the end of this post, please share something you are hoping for in this moment in your life.

i will start: i hope for change next tuesday.

a reflected reminder.

Continuing the reflection meditation practice.

Breathing in

Breathing out

Focusing just on me

This week, as I look in the mirror, I have been inviting in peace with each inhale. Then, I try to give the negative, nagging voices permission to quiet and settle inside this peace as I exhale.

And, I have been playing with jewelry…an idea born from a discovery of metal stamping letters in the garage at my in-law’s this summer that flowed into the desire to create daily reminders that would act as a talisman of sorts to wear around the neck…an invitation to quiet the mind in the midst of all that a day can bring.

This is a pendant I created this weekend.

It is a reminder to embrace my beauty.

When I look in the mirror, I read its words and pause just for a moment and remember. I pause to remember me.

I created it to be read when reflected in a mirror, so it is backward when you look at it straight on but forward when you most need to read it…when you are looking right at you.

A reflected reminder, a reflected invitation to embrace and own your beauty.

an invitation to see {self-portrait challenge}

Two years ago, my daily practice, for two months, was to look in the mirror for a few minutes everyday. I began this practice after reading an article by Elizabeth Gilbert in Yoga Journal (read more background about my previous experience with this meditation here and here).

A few weeks into this practice, I realized I had stopped just looking at me and instead had started seeing me. I began to see the beauty in the curves of my face and how my eyes sometimes seem to smile and the fullness of my lips. I began to see wisdom and truth. My internal self-talk began to soften.

For a few months, I have been thinking about starting this practice again. After a confusing couple of moments while on a trip this summer, moments that brought up that harsher self-talk, I found myself standing in front of a mirror and pausing.

I stood there and looked myself in the eye and felt myself begin to crumble a bit. I was honest with myself about the feelings that had surfaced and could feel that invitation to simply "lose it." In that moment, I took a deep breath, and looking eye to eye with me, I felt an invitation to seek some refuge within this meditation I had spent time with two years ago. So much emotion knocked inside me as I looked at myself, trying to see beauty. I didn't want to give into that internal pull to lose it, as I needed to exit the bathroom at some point in a manner that seemed pulled together. So I stood there watching the shadow of my earring that the light from the skylight was creating…I just watched the shadow on my face and how light seemed to dance around it. I took in that moment and found my breath.

The next day, I found myself standing in front of this mirror again, and I focused on the way my bangs brushed across my forehead. The day after that, I focused on the slight curve of my lips right before a full smile spread across my face. And on and on. For about three weeks now, I have spent a few minutes each day just looking at me…trying to see me again.

Earlier today, I stood eye to eye with me and felt that self-talk soften just a bit.

This reflection mediation has become my practice yet again.

I am trying to see me…to see more than what someone else might see when making assumptions or judgments…to see more than what I see when doing the same. I am looking at the shadows and the light and trying to give myself permission to crack open a bit more.

I am standing eye to eye with me and trying to let the shadows dance their way into the light and shine just a bit.

I am giving myself permission to see beauty.

I am giving myself permission to see me.

(see more shining self-portraits here)
(read Elizabeth Gilbert's full article here)